Rewind – sometime back in July 2009

I wrote this article way back in July 2009 and for no apparent reason it was completely forgotten in the huge files in my computer and now it found it’s way out of the box – that’s destiny! I know Jovie – you are fed up with destiny but yes if you can make or at least control one show it to me now! LOL.

They say misery loves company. I say boredom loves company. I was not miserable then but I was bored with nothing going on in my placement - nada. When you are bored, you feel everything is boring, lousy. As a chain reaction, I felt my blog profile is quite boring as well and I have not blogged for quite sometime. I haven’t written anything: read: without you the poetry in me is dead” – whew! And true indeed my mind is not moving, not working, completely shut down. So for the sake of fun I sent email to a cross section of my friends – located in different parts of the world. Wow, I received amazing replies. You see it’s not only me who is bored – a lot of my friends were bored as well. Imagine they replied to this non-sense brainstorming (LOL).

I know you are all familiar with the theory of Johari’s window. Yes, there are really things we don’t know or we are not aware of or sometimes aware but just can’t accept it because it’s too negative and you feel it’s a crime to act that way. But in doing this crazy non-sense thing I thought, it’s amazing to have a glimpse of what your friends thought of you. Others may not reflect the real you but it could be as well that you are inclined to be on that side in the future.

So to all of you who participated in this quickie stuff – thank you so much for being so honest and for those who were afraid to mention the negative side of myself – c’mon if you are my friend – just tell me straight – no hurt feelings! Promise!

My friend D (a close friend of mine) who refused to be named here first said I am a “user” (can this be true?) hahahahaha but retracted it when I said I am gonna mention the name for credits so she put it this way. Joel is kind and sociable (LOL). Aydel who is based in Zambia sees me as “adventurous and bold” – I just do not know in which aspect but I know deep down there in me is wanting to be adventurous and bold hahahaha – nice shot Aydel! A lot of replies were on the positive side – c’mon guys don’t be afraid to voice out anything negative! Two (2) of my friends named Eves thought Joel is always positive, optimistic and brilliant. Great you have tea from me (LOL). I love this one. Pazee thought he is bubbly and intelligent (what? read: IQ below sea level (LOL) but moody. By forced Jovie – a self-proclaimed gifted child (sorry she claimed it by our group affiliation LOL) thought Joel is bubbly jolly. N, a friend who is based in Canada refused to share my negative traits as she said it could be hurting as definitely she’ll be hurt to hear negative traits. Hmmm the law of Karma is working. Well she said Joel is a trusted friend and a friend forever and that is supported by Bayen. Angie is a friend way back my NGO time in the Philippines and our friendship is one that is pure and complicated. By purity I mean we say straight what one doesn’t really want to hear (LOL). This friendship is totally different in myriad ways. I say it’s harsh and sweet. She said Joel is Mosaic and Knotty. Whatever that means (LOL). But Lorey a close cousin said I am simple yet complicated. That is actually what Angie means with knotty. Jess – a fellow volunteer and a friend I met in China described me as brutally frank and bluntly honest – all for the goodness of everyone. Lastly, Barbs whom I consider a good friend and a mentor thought I am sweet but can be as loud as 1.3 billion Chinese (LOL) – nice one! What do you think?

The Message!

Hello everyone. I know, I know I promised to get back after my post last week but apologies I wasn’t able to keep up to that promise. I thought it was bad idea to share with you some negative news but also on the other hand it might be sensible to share the lessons and message we learn from the things we experience. I was again hit the third time by “gouty arthritis”. Yes, at this young age I am already keeping with several bouts of this chronic disease. But I am a survivor, definitely! I was still alive and kicking during the Halloween party at home with my siblings, nieces and nephews but indeed you will never know what’s in store for everyone of us tomorrow. A fact of life I now embrace!

At one point I felt helpless and useless as I was limping in pain. I realized it’s no joke to be disabled by certain disease. It was just difficult moving around hopping in with one foot. My right leg was swollen it was impossible to make use of it.

Learning and in keeping with the things I realized from the 2 episodes when I was in China, I kept myself fit by having regular (in fact, religious) belly dancing and watching my diet but still the 3rd episode was inevitable. I reckon all my efforts were futile but on a deeper contemplation, I managed to entangle the mesh and decipher some meanings and important message it is trying to cut across – I can’t just ignore this. I was then anxious and as Paolo Coelho puts it “gradually, the anxiety gives way to contemplation and, and I start to listen to my soul”.

On deeper thought, I realized that at this very moment my life is like a big sheet of canvass. Nothing in it! I suddenly asked myself: What have you done to your life? It might seem an easy question but trust me I can not answer it.

At the moment I am jobless. In fact, 6 months already of being jobless in the Philippines. I am sick and it just dawned on me I have no medical, accident or life insurance to ensure that I can be taken cared of in times like this. I used to have a life insurance, in fact I was just waiting for its maturity but I have to surrender my plan as my insurer was on the brink of bankruptcy. My Pag-Ibig and SSS account are also inactive because I haven’t given my contribution for several years now and all my financial loans were being offset from my premiums. I am not financially liquid as my back account starting to drain.

I strongly believed that “everything that had to happen happened” – there are no accidents, each has reason and purpose. With all of these scenarios happening right now with my life – I felt I need to weigh everything, consider my prospects in life, understand the situation and decide what’s best for me.

Thank you Lord for giving me pain because it is only then that I become closer to you, to myself and to my soul.

“If you are not going to change direction, you are probably heading to where you are going” – Confucius

Born Survivor

After my last blog the other week, I thought it's not a good idea to start with a news that I am sick right now.. But what can we do? There are things we want to avoid but keep on recurring. For example the first time I was hit with gouty arthritis was when I was in China and so I promised myself to watch carefully my diet. Now at home (Philippines) I was so engrossed with dieting and even a regular (hey religious) belly dancing just to keep me fit but it's all futile as I was hit again with another episode making me disable, immobile (mobile to some extent) but so difficult to walk when your left leg is numb, swollen and in pain.

At the end of the day, I still thank God for giving all these pains because these makes me stronger and realizing that He somehow wanted to send a message I yet to decipher.

I still look at life positively, from a totally different perspective now.

Hello Everyone!

Wow, It's been such a long time! I completely forgot about my blog - apologies to you my dear readers and of course to my Blog!

There are many changes in my blog right now. If you notice, I changed the lay-out which is themed to be "travel" plus the color combinations - I just love it. This captured my emotions, thoughts and hopes and fears right at this point of my life and career.

I promise you all, I will be catching this blog with new articles - all about random thoughts, anything under the heat of the sun. So expect more exciting articles in the days to come.

So long everyone. All the best.

Poetry in me

I miss my blog. I miss blogging. I miss all of you who visits my blog often. I have been quite lazy these times. Read: "without you, the poetry in me is dead-anonymous". Oh no, not really, it's not you, it's just that blogging is difficult in here - it's currently blocked. Don't asked anymore how did I access my site - it's a top secret! harharhar...

Anyway, will do my best to blog soon.

Keep safe everyone.

Unrequited Love

This article has been a long overdue post. Rizza here it is. I know, I know you've been waiting for this. I felt this is also timely as I am over it already hehehehehe...Thanks for poking me on this one. Thanks Nai for editing it.
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A stranger to my eyes

Mysterious…. the very moment I set my eyes on you, I knew with certainty that you’re the person I can never forget for the entirety of my mortal existence... So intense is my feelings that my heart can barely contain. You were like a stranger who passed me by, taking no notice of my presence... And yet, the mere sight of you takes my breath away… an indescribable vision that I don’t want to miss even for just a single second…. I vividly remember the first time you refused my offer of help, but I did not get offended, instead, something inside of me leapt for joy despite the circumstance… we often meet, but you remain an enigma to me.. Mysterious…indeed…

Could it be destiny?

Fate…is it really possible to find somebody whom you can love in their totality? A love that would include even their flaws and imperfections? Now I know it can be possible, because I love everything I see in you…if there’s anyone who, short of drives me crazy, then, definitely it is you… I am truly convinced that you are the very one I’ve been looking for all these years… from the first time we knew each other’s name, it’s as if somebody softly whispered in my ears that it was destiny who brought us together… without your knowledge, everyday spent with you is my heaven on earth… I just can’t afford to ignore the idea of exploring this feelings I have for you…an engulfing desire is burning inside of me, longing to know you more…to get even closer to you…intimately closer…. But how could that be? When you are like somebody who is so near, yet so far? Well then, I will have to yield to what I believe is much stronger than me…the course of Fate…

Could this be love?

Desire…yes…that’s who you are to me… when the glaring truth of you being in the loving care of someone else stares sharply in my eyes, it bleeds my heart…yet, I took the courage to indulge myself with the opportunities of sharing borrowed moments with you... We started to build our world with its own unique ways and times…Whenever your warm body inches into mine, I can’t help myself wanting to kiss and hug you so tight… to melt in your arms…to be intoxicated of your scent…my world turns into a standstill at the mere thought of you…Your presence made me feel naked and stripped of pretensions. I become the real me…I find pleasure in seeing you smile…in hearing your voice…in watching your lips utter a word….it seems that time becomes so fleeting when we are together…I long to have more of you, but you just see me as a friend …thus, the friendship grew in a manner that I never even imagined. I admire the qualities of your heart…genuinely immaculate…your soul is pure and unadulterated by the pollution of the mind…I don’t want to exploit or ruin the foundations that we built..
But we played games, I don’t know why? It puzzles me when every time you get tired, you simply fade away, change your mood or say goodbye…it confuses me when you show affection by being thoughtful and caring…I don’t want to make
presumptions, but they say actions speak louder than words. Is it safe for me to believe that you are falling for me as well? …. yet, how can I flee from the piercing pain when I see you with your beloved? Maybe, I should muster the strength to shield the sweet memories that we enjoyed as one…it is not unusual for me to repeat these words over and over again: come darkness…come quick! Let it be night at once so that I become a hedonistic prisoner in your arms again…a sanctuary of utmost paradise…to feel the unspoken love unfolding bit by bit... If only our hearts could bravely reveal what‘s inside of it, then perhaps, things become less complicated. But up to now, you remained cautious to disclose how you feel for me… so you remain to be my greatest… Desire…

So Overwhelmed! I have just resurrected

Oh My God! I am so happy today...extremely happy should be the right word...I am all smiles today. why, because for months I was not able to visit my blogsite and I've just discovered with the help of my dear friend a proxy server to open it. Wow, amazing, doing cyber things in China with anonymity - I hope hehehehe...

I just wanna say thank you to all of you who have visited my blogsite. In the few days to come (I hope my access won't be blocked) I am gonna write more...and definitely visit your blogsites as well...

Thanks. Xiexie ni. Muito Obrgrigado. Maraming Salamat. Daghang Salamat (my local Diaclect back home)

Joel