Unrequited Love

This article has been a long overdue post. Rizza here it is. I know, I know you've been waiting for this. I felt this is also timely as I am over it already hehehehehe...Thanks for poking me on this one. Thanks Nai for editing it.
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A stranger to my eyes

Mysterious…. the very moment I set my eyes on you, I knew with certainty that you’re the person I can never forget for the entirety of my mortal existence... So intense is my feelings that my heart can barely contain. You were like a stranger who passed me by, taking no notice of my presence... And yet, the mere sight of you takes my breath away… an indescribable vision that I don’t want to miss even for just a single second…. I vividly remember the first time you refused my offer of help, but I did not get offended, instead, something inside of me leapt for joy despite the circumstance… we often meet, but you remain an enigma to me.. Mysterious…indeed…

Could it be destiny?

Fate…is it really possible to find somebody whom you can love in their totality? A love that would include even their flaws and imperfections? Now I know it can be possible, because I love everything I see in you…if there’s anyone who, short of drives me crazy, then, definitely it is you… I am truly convinced that you are the very one I’ve been looking for all these years… from the first time we knew each other’s name, it’s as if somebody softly whispered in my ears that it was destiny who brought us together… without your knowledge, everyday spent with you is my heaven on earth… I just can’t afford to ignore the idea of exploring this feelings I have for you…an engulfing desire is burning inside of me, longing to know you more…to get even closer to you…intimately closer…. But how could that be? When you are like somebody who is so near, yet so far? Well then, I will have to yield to what I believe is much stronger than me…the course of Fate…

Could this be love?

Desire…yes…that’s who you are to me… when the glaring truth of you being in the loving care of someone else stares sharply in my eyes, it bleeds my heart…yet, I took the courage to indulge myself with the opportunities of sharing borrowed moments with you... We started to build our world with its own unique ways and times…Whenever your warm body inches into mine, I can’t help myself wanting to kiss and hug you so tight… to melt in your arms…to be intoxicated of your scent…my world turns into a standstill at the mere thought of you…Your presence made me feel naked and stripped of pretensions. I become the real me…I find pleasure in seeing you smile…in hearing your voice…in watching your lips utter a word….it seems that time becomes so fleeting when we are together…I long to have more of you, but you just see me as a friend …thus, the friendship grew in a manner that I never even imagined. I admire the qualities of your heart…genuinely immaculate…your soul is pure and unadulterated by the pollution of the mind…I don’t want to exploit or ruin the foundations that we built..
But we played games, I don’t know why? It puzzles me when every time you get tired, you simply fade away, change your mood or say goodbye…it confuses me when you show affection by being thoughtful and caring…I don’t want to make
presumptions, but they say actions speak louder than words. Is it safe for me to believe that you are falling for me as well? …. yet, how can I flee from the piercing pain when I see you with your beloved? Maybe, I should muster the strength to shield the sweet memories that we enjoyed as one…it is not unusual for me to repeat these words over and over again: come darkness…come quick! Let it be night at once so that I become a hedonistic prisoner in your arms again…a sanctuary of utmost paradise…to feel the unspoken love unfolding bit by bit... If only our hearts could bravely reveal what‘s inside of it, then perhaps, things become less complicated. But up to now, you remained cautious to disclose how you feel for me… so you remain to be my greatest… Desire…

Can we really make our own destiny?

This question has been bogging my mind after chatting with my cousin few days ago whose heart is taken by storm by opps I am not allowed to divulge. I am under contract of confidentiality (LOL).

Can we really make our destiny is a question that my mental inbox has been brimming with so many different thoughts difficult to assort and discern. It all started in the blog of my cousin titled “The Masochist in Us” read post in detail at http://enelya-thehopelessromantic.blogspot.com/2009/01/masochist-in-us.htm.In this post, she thoroughly explained why human beings are masochist. She is resolved with that. At the backdrop of this post, I can see a young woman who is going through a journey of pain in loving. A young woman bombarded with uncertainties of taking risk. A young woman who is indeed a masochist. But do you think her decision to keep her feelings towards the man she affectionately desire will bring her to her destiny?

So our exchange of thoughts segued to destiny. I am sure this one is a famous line - “Destiny is not a matter of chance but a matter of choice”, others firmly believe that “We make our own destiny”. I used to believe that destiny is defined by the choices and decisions we make everyday. But hey wait, what is destiny by the way? Is it the ultimate destination of living? Is it a process in itself as we journey through life? Is it the realization of ones dreams? Is it an oasis of life? I just realize now that we can indeed make decisions but not our destiny. My definition now of destiny is that “It is what it is”. A state in life where change is constant. Each of us has its own destiny. Whether we are in the state of living our dreams or we failed to achieve our goals - is destiny. We make decisions to reach our desired destinies but there’s no guarantee that the decisions we make can bring us to the destiny we envision. I don’t want to sound fatalistic and negative because I am not. I do believe that the most important thing is we make each day a learning platform that we can progress towards the achievement of our goals. We have to give our best shots at whatever we do to make meaning and purpose in living.

I do believe that we are not alone in this universe. We co-exist with other entities or bodies beyond our recognition and these entities can have a yin-yang influence on the decisions and choices we make everyday. There are many events in our lives that are beyond our control, beyond our grasp. I thought this is the very essence of what we call “the Wheel of Life” as they say “Bilog ang Mundo” (the world is round). Whatever we do in our lives, destiny will find and bring us to where we rightly belong. Our positive disposition, outlook and how we carry our selves however greatly influence the wheel of life. When we feel good about ourselves – there seem to be a confluence of the different cosmic energies that bring rewards and positive outcome.

Twist of fate is part of destiny that I am talking about. Let us use the subject of love to illustrate this point. People fall in love, out of love and they make decisions. Breaking up is hard to do the same thing as my cousin was pointing out that it is difficult to open up a feeling towards someone she’s resolved of the possible outcome. In this kind of scenario, do you think her decision will make up her destiny? Maybe not. Khalil Gibran – famous author and Nobel Peace Prize winner says in his book “Love will find you and dare not direct the course of love for if love finds you worthy will direct it’s course”. So no matter what kind of decision we make there is really no telling what happens at the end of the day. There are many flicks about love that we enjoyed watching in our fave theaters showing the mystery of love and mind you we also find this unfolding before our very eyes in the lives of the ordinary people around us. Read: Love is blind. Another cliché is “If your sweetie gives up the relationship, free him or her – if he/she comes back then is yours to keep”. Power of Karma is true: “what goes around comes around, what goes up must come down”.
We are all passers by in this universe and I think we should continue to dream and strive to find meaning in life and in the end believe in our hearts that one day destiny will find us.