In Their Midst

IN THEIR MIDST
By: Dolly Saniel-Lumbab

There’s a great mystery shrouding their faces…Looking at them often leaves me wondering as to what’s really going on in their minds? The moment they occupy their favourite seat in the day room, they start to wear that very distinct gaze towards the distance. Each one of them appears to wear a unique mask of mood. And believe me, they can change this mask as quickly as a whiff of air, from a gentle and meek spirited deer, to that of a feisty and aggressive lion. I have witnessed numerous changing of masks. If one is not familiar as to how it happens and when it would exactly happen or what’s going to happen, then it can be an extremely daunting experience.

You might be puzzled as to what I’m talking about. This is my personal tale as an overseas health worker in a private nursing facility for the elderly and mentally infirmed, specially those suffering from Alzheimers and Dementia. So far, this is the most humbling and challenging job I’ve ever tackled. I used to teach care giving, and never in my wildest imagination did I ever consider to perform the things I’ve taught in the confines of my classroom. I often told my students to brace themselves to the demands that this job entails, only to find out, that I, myself, have never been prepared till now.

As a nurse, it became an unsolicited pressure to work abroad, especially in the US or UK. So, when an opportunity came, I grabbed it without second thoughts… leaving behind a promising and well paying job, a flourishing family business, the company of my dearest friends, the familiarity of the place, the taste of great food, the comforts of my home and most of all, the presence and love of my precious daughters Eartha and Dancyl.

The first few months were so depressing. I am just a mere mortal. I get affected when upon entering a resident’s room, I am greeted by the sights and smell of faeces scattered all over the place, or worse still, when it is painted all over their body. I get annoyed when I’m called by foul names and mind you, I get so upset when they physically hurt me even if I’m fully aware that they really didn’t mean to do it. How would one appropriately react when they see their resident choking because big portions of sticky stool are stuck in their throat? It’s not one of the most pleasant situations to be in, in fact, it is totally gross. But I don‘t have the luxury to turn my back and run away. I am duty-bound to muster enough courage, take initiative and trust my instinct to prioritize the safety of my resident. I have to ignore the churns of my stomach and the propulsive force of regurgitation. In such a situation, I will have to focus my actions as to how I can carefully and gently extricate the sticky stool in the throat little by little until everything is cleared, and there will be no more risks of aspirations. It seems unbelievable, but I’ve encountered and handled similar situations on numerous occasions.

A lot of my colleagues would dream of working here. But I nearly ended my life, just to get out. It took me four long years…moments of internal struggle…tears and regrets…mentorship from my life coach…and the inspiration of my soul mate, to finally be able to find the joy of doing this work and accept the fact that I would be in this job until I’ll reach the goals I’ve set for myself.

I had been slapped, pinched, spat at, shouted at and my hair has been pulled too many times. But what can I do? I cannot fight back. I am expected to maintain my composure, despite their seemingly threatening behaviour. I must learn to rise above every tricky situation and control my temper with all my might. Afterall, they are described as people who are disorientated, confused and have lost their cognitive faculties.

Another setback of working in a nursing home, specially for people as passionate as me, is the tendency to cross the boundaries of a professional level of relationship. I have grown to get attached to a few of my residents, and have put more warmth and affection to our affinity, beyond what is just necessary. Allow me to mention one of my beloved residents. She was nearing her 100th years, the fact is, she was just 5 months away from that momentous centennial celebration. But my hopes of seeing her smiles on that memorable day were shattered when she breathe her last one cold and gloomy dawn due to pneumonia. I was totally heartbroken, it’s as if I lost my own maternal grandmother. For two weeks, it became uncomfortable for me to go to work knowing that I won’t see her anymore sitting in her favourite chair. I dreaded the thought that I won’t be wheeling her anymore to her room, tuck her in bed and recite a short prayer. I grieved and was sad for quite some time.

In my younger years, I used to say that I want to be spared from old age. When thoughts of wrinkly look, dry rough skin, bended posture and arthritic pain creep into my mind, a shiver runs down my spine. However, after witnessing the grace of aging and the beauty of peacefully awaiting death, I have no more qualms of embracing the inevitable no matter how long it will be. I will have no more apprehensions to face the sunset nor will I desire to take a shorter route.

Now, on my 7th year of working here, I can honestly say that every single shift has been so meaningful and life enriching. I take pride that I have hurdled the obstacles along the way. Of course, the credits does not solely lie in me. There are my colleagues, my staff, the management, families and relatives of my residents, my life coach, my soul mate, my friends, my sister and my daughters. When I finally retire to my homeland in a few more years, I can look back to this once in a lifetime experience and say that I have been so privileged to be working in the midst of my lovable residents…. To God be the glory!

Thanks Nai for allowing me to post this article and for sharing your gift!