Poetry in me

I miss my blog. I miss blogging. I miss all of you who visits my blog often. I have been quite lazy these times. Read: "without you, the poetry in me is dead-anonymous". Oh no, not really, it's not you, it's just that blogging is difficult in here - it's currently blocked. Don't asked anymore how did I access my site - it's a top secret! harharhar...

Anyway, will do my best to blog soon.

Keep safe everyone.

Unrequited Love

This article has been a long overdue post. Rizza here it is. I know, I know you've been waiting for this. I felt this is also timely as I am over it already hehehehehe...Thanks for poking me on this one. Thanks Nai for editing it.
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A stranger to my eyes

Mysterious…. the very moment I set my eyes on you, I knew with certainty that you’re the person I can never forget for the entirety of my mortal existence... So intense is my feelings that my heart can barely contain. You were like a stranger who passed me by, taking no notice of my presence... And yet, the mere sight of you takes my breath away… an indescribable vision that I don’t want to miss even for just a single second…. I vividly remember the first time you refused my offer of help, but I did not get offended, instead, something inside of me leapt for joy despite the circumstance… we often meet, but you remain an enigma to me.. Mysterious…indeed…

Could it be destiny?

Fate…is it really possible to find somebody whom you can love in their totality? A love that would include even their flaws and imperfections? Now I know it can be possible, because I love everything I see in you…if there’s anyone who, short of drives me crazy, then, definitely it is you… I am truly convinced that you are the very one I’ve been looking for all these years… from the first time we knew each other’s name, it’s as if somebody softly whispered in my ears that it was destiny who brought us together… without your knowledge, everyday spent with you is my heaven on earth… I just can’t afford to ignore the idea of exploring this feelings I have for you…an engulfing desire is burning inside of me, longing to know you more…to get even closer to you…intimately closer…. But how could that be? When you are like somebody who is so near, yet so far? Well then, I will have to yield to what I believe is much stronger than me…the course of Fate…

Could this be love?

Desire…yes…that’s who you are to me… when the glaring truth of you being in the loving care of someone else stares sharply in my eyes, it bleeds my heart…yet, I took the courage to indulge myself with the opportunities of sharing borrowed moments with you... We started to build our world with its own unique ways and times…Whenever your warm body inches into mine, I can’t help myself wanting to kiss and hug you so tight… to melt in your arms…to be intoxicated of your scent…my world turns into a standstill at the mere thought of you…Your presence made me feel naked and stripped of pretensions. I become the real me…I find pleasure in seeing you smile…in hearing your voice…in watching your lips utter a word….it seems that time becomes so fleeting when we are together…I long to have more of you, but you just see me as a friend …thus, the friendship grew in a manner that I never even imagined. I admire the qualities of your heart…genuinely immaculate…your soul is pure and unadulterated by the pollution of the mind…I don’t want to exploit or ruin the foundations that we built..
But we played games, I don’t know why? It puzzles me when every time you get tired, you simply fade away, change your mood or say goodbye…it confuses me when you show affection by being thoughtful and caring…I don’t want to make
presumptions, but they say actions speak louder than words. Is it safe for me to believe that you are falling for me as well? …. yet, how can I flee from the piercing pain when I see you with your beloved? Maybe, I should muster the strength to shield the sweet memories that we enjoyed as one…it is not unusual for me to repeat these words over and over again: come darkness…come quick! Let it be night at once so that I become a hedonistic prisoner in your arms again…a sanctuary of utmost paradise…to feel the unspoken love unfolding bit by bit... If only our hearts could bravely reveal what‘s inside of it, then perhaps, things become less complicated. But up to now, you remained cautious to disclose how you feel for me… so you remain to be my greatest… Desire…

So Overwhelmed! I have just resurrected

Oh My God! I am so happy today...extremely happy should be the right word...I am all smiles today. why, because for months I was not able to visit my blogsite and I've just discovered with the help of my dear friend a proxy server to open it. Wow, amazing, doing cyber things in China with anonymity - I hope hehehehe...

I just wanna say thank you to all of you who have visited my blogsite. In the few days to come (I hope my access won't be blocked) I am gonna write more...and definitely visit your blogsites as well...

Thanks. Xiexie ni. Muito Obrgrigado. Maraming Salamat. Daghang Salamat (my local Diaclect back home)

Joel

Signing Off

Am signing off for now. I'm going to a nearby province for a 2-day conference and off for home for a month vacation. I will keep you posted guys. Have a good day everyone.

Saying Goodbye – The last Full show

My last days in Longchuan has been agonizingly sweet. For no apparent reason, I was lackadaisical. Looking at my typhoon-hit room, I realized, I accumulated so much in the 2 years that I stayed here. But they are not all rubbish. I decided to dispose and hand down the things that the Support Group and Orphans can salvage and put to use. I am excited of going home – I really am. I do. But something is heavy – nope not my luggage. I thought it’s the humbling experiences that have enriched me as a person.

It took me a week to pack my things and the experiences I gained in two years time. I felt heavy but light at the same time because I know I made an imprint in the hearts and minds of the people I have worked with, made friends and socialized with.

The final week was emotionally draining as I tried to hide the sadness in my heart. The send-off dinner, the photo ops, the send off gifts and the wishes of wellness and luck has been overwhelming. But I was really struck last night as the Village Doctor I am working with closely called us up and said they are coming and it’s already 10 in the evening. His wife, son and one of the officers of women group with her daughter in tow came and brought us freshly boiled eggs and a fruit endemic in Longchuan named Xian Yan (see photo attached). I was touched. I do. I was misty-eyed receiving all the things that I thought one would only do to a close family member. In fact, they have given me a lot including a Jingpo Zu ethnic costume (see picture below. I really didn’t know how to thank them. As they’ve given me several send off dinner. It’s overwhelming to be honest I can’t contain here in my heart. These are the moments in volunteering that are priceless. You would know in your heart that you’ve touched lives.

I realized, I don’t need a damn indicators and a lengthy questionnaire to measure my impact here in Longchuan. I know and I truly believe I made a difference especially in the hearts of the people at the grassroots level.

I can now leave Longchuan with smile in my heart – forever.

Parting Words

I am not good at saying goodbye to people. It eats me up all the time. Today, is my exit meeting with the partners here in Longchuan. I am happy that the support groups were able to come. I am grateful for the nice words and appreciation of my contribution. I know that at times like this, I can be emotional and so it was so wise for me to prepare my speech. It was nice as well that the support group would want a copy of it (souvenir baga - LOL). Take a look at it.

Tadjia Hao!

With your indulgence, allow me to read my prepared speech because at times like this (saying goodbye) I can become emotional and when I am emotional most of the time I lose my points.

Exit meeting like this is the event I would want to skip If only I can. If only I can leave Longchuan without a trace then I would really do it. BUT I CAN’T. I JUST CAN’T. I can not just leave all of you without saying GOODBYE because you have been a significant part of my wonderful 2-years stay in Longchuan. You made me feel like I am not a “laowai”. The warmth of your reception made me feel safe and secure. You made Longchuan my home away from home.

Looking back 2 years ago - Will I survive in China? Was the biggest question in my mind. And now I can proudly say, yes I survived China, I survived Longchuan. My journey as a volunteer might have been tumultuous but I felt triumphant of my decision to render my voluntary service in Longchuan. This placement has been very challenging in many different ways from language to working styles to organizational culture to local food, to weather and lifestyle. But these challenges did not deter me to work alongside people and try making a difference. I do not really know If indeed I made a difference here but I am already happy to know that I won many friends in Longchuan. Friends who are etched in my heart forever. To describe my journey is like riding a roller coaster with its up-and-downs but the beauty of this ride is that I was able to witness the unfolding of each event that led me to appreciate the beauty of life’s imperfections. The ride afforded me the thrill of a lifetime no one can give me.

My placement afforded me a very rich-learning and humbling experience. To have been able to work closely with People Living with HIV has been the most rewarding experience I would cherish forever. They are real people. Their stories are real. I deeply felt the big dent they have made in my life than I making an impact in theirs. I do believe that a volunteer placement is not only bounded with what is written in placement documentations. But the real challenge is how to bring the lives behind this placement documentation into full play in order to make a significant difference on the lives of those who are poor and disadvantaged.

I am so proud of Longchuan. Why? Because you showed to me that “unity in diversity” exist among various ethnic groups. The magnificent display of your pride of your diverse ethnic culture and customs bring an overwhelming lesson to me that I can take home. Longchuan made me realized that despite difference in language, race, color or belief, we can indeed create a friendlier and harmonious global community that is more habitable place to live in.

All of this experience would have been impossible without you. First and foremost, allow me to express my deepest gratitude to Yang Xinmei for the leadership and the friendship. Yu Qiang – my counterpart who has been there every step of the way. Thank you very much.

I am indebted to People’s Hospital – Dr. Li Jiping, Dr. Yang Haiqin, Dr. Fu, Dr. Xu Yu Wun and the men and women working in the hospital for the friendship, the work and assistance whenever I needed them – words are not enough to say thank you very much.

I would also like to say thank you to the men and women of AIDS prevention and coordination office headed by Ms. Mei Hongying for the countless support you have given to all volunteers who have been here.

Ms. Yang Dafen of Foreign Support Office, Dr. Hou Zengsen of Women and Children’s Hospital, Ms Jiang Yong Yun of the Bureau of Education, Dr. Dao Qingfen and Dr. Zhang of CDC – thank you so so much for the wonderful work experience with you.

The active and energetic Village Doctors Dr. Yin Zu Luan, Dr. Yin Xing Wei, officers of I Care Support Group headed by He le ka and United for a Common Cause Support Group headed by Yue Maji – I don’t know how to express my sincerest gratitude to all of you but let me say it in my language – MARAMING MARAMING SALAMAT PO!

Last but definitely not the least – VSO for providing me this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. To Li Anyuan (Kevin) and all my former National Volunteers – thank you very much for without you – there’s nothing that I can do. It is because of your work that made everything possible.

There are so many people to thank here today and my list is endless. I may not have mentioned you here but rest assured you are here in my heart.

I hope everyone can be an agent for change. Change to improve the loves od those who are poor and disadvantaged.

Xiexie Tadjia.

Poetry in Motion

You
I’m starting to miss you, Yes You
Oblivious when the time I first met you
You surprise me as time flies
I am falling I realized

You made me feel I am home
You made me feel I belong
Longing to be prisoner again
Of a world you and I belong

Your soft velvety skin…
Ah…how can I forget it
The warmth you gave me
When I needed them in those cold lonely nights

The comfort you gave me
When I am at my lowest ebb
The security you gave me
When my body inches close to you

And as I bid goodbye to you
Let your warmth ablaze me
That no storm nor time can efface
For in my heart, you are carved no one can remove

Until then. I’ll see you when I see you.

Khalil Gibran's Thoughts on Love and Marriage

Love is in the air whether you like it or not...whether you are alone or clinging to those warm loving arms of somebody else legal or illegal (LOL). But isn't it love is always right? For love can't be wrong but lovers do. And to console those who haven't been hit by Cupid yet, don't worry love can be expressed in so many ways and forms - all to your desire wahahahahaha.

I am actually in the middle of moving out - packing, report writing but something is poking my fingers to post something in my blog anything about love. Damn it - I've been out for a week from my blog and I hope I can catch up from my absence.

So I decided to share with you some of my favorite lines of Khalil Gibran's masterpiece (The Prophet). I have been reading his book for the nth time and everytime his words are very potent that it always give me chills down to the very core of me. I am always high with his thoughts.

So here they are:

On Love
When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the Garden.

For even as love cronws you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.

Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He treshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
he grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;

And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.

On Marriage
You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a movign sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.

So, let's just wait and see the works of love. Indeed, it moves in mysterious ways. Stay happy guys and happy valentines day everyone.

World's Best Resignation Letter?

Let's take a break! When everything becomes toxic, we need to keep our sanity. I had a good laugh reading the post on Nax Joan's blog on the world's best complaint letter to Virgin Atlantic's Airways and I bet this world's best resignation letter will drive you nuts. I received this email from a Kenyan friend based in Lesotho, Africa. Enjoy.

Dear Mr. Baker,

As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of my co-workers and me during our commission of duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time.Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know how to network computer systems, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to your employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" as it is explained to you for the hundredth time.You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will.You wander around the building all day, shiftlessly seeking fault in others. You have a sharp dressed, useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude.

In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle.Seeing as this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation; however, I have a few parting thoughts:

When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal for you to give me a bad recommendation as I have consistently performed my duties and even more. The most you can say to hurt me is, "I prefer not to comment." To keep you honest, I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.

I have all the passwords to every account on the system and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I will publish your "Favorites," which I conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like "Lolita" are not viewed favorably by the university administrations.

When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your mother's b-day," you neglected to mention that you were going to take nude pictures of yourself in the mirror. Then, like the techno-moron you are, you forgot to erase them. Suffice it to say, I have never seen such odd acts with a ketchup bottle. I assure you that those photos are being kept in safe places pending your authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (And, for once, would you please try to use spellcheck? I hate correcting your mistakes.)

I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody and all of your twisted little repugnant obsessions will become public knowledge. Never f*ck with your systems administrator, Mr. Baker! They know what you do with all that free time!

Sincerely,

David Blocker
Network Administrator

Embracing Diversity

Everything seems to be back to normal. The festive mood of the spring festival has died down gradually. The streets are deserted once again. Longchuan is back to being silent. But in the 2 years that I witnessed and joined their festivities – the memories has been banging my heart and my mind and the messages flashing are too loud to ignore.

Seeing the local and ethnic community so ecstatic over the 3-day ethnic dancing is truly refreshing and heartwarming. There are 5 major ethnic groups in Lonchuan and these are Jingpo, Dai, De’ang, Lisu and Acang Zu. These ethnic groups converge every year for the ethnic dancing during spring festival.

The Ethnic Dance…

The 3-day ethnic dancing of around 5,000 – 10,000 people as I was told is about thanksgiving. It could be likened to ‘Sinulog’ in Cebu (religious festival in the Philippines) or ‘Kadayawan’ in Davao (thanksgiving festival). There is something special in this event. The formation of this dance, to me looks like a ‘cabbage form’ or a 'brain' which is highly convoluted. This formation apparently depicts their history of migration, attitude and convergence in diversity as a community despite their differences. The Chieftain (wearing an eagle headdress) takes the lead. The dance is simple but the beat is uplifting.

As an outsider, I saw in the people their overwhelming pride. Pride in their roots, in who they are and in what they are as an ethnic group living in a highly changing modern China. I personally felt there is that conscious effort to preserve their culture as ‘Indigenous People’. And I have seen this not only during the ethnic dancing but in their day-to-day activities. I just really hope my country, my beloved country – Philippines would also learn from this. Western influence is higly changing the attitude, the norms and the culture of people. Recognition and respect of Indigenous Peoples’ Right to ancestral domain, culture, ways of life is crucial. By recognition and respect, I say that the Government should put genuine programmes and resources to cultivate and preserve the roots of Indigenous People. Let’s help as well IPs to take pride in themselves. How many ethnic people would introduce himself or herself as Bagobo, Manobo or Aeta (ethnic groups in the Philippines) when asked to introduce? Truly, we can hardly count.

I am so proud of China. I am so proud of Longchuan. Why? Because they showed to me that “unity in diversity” can exist among ethnic groups. As magnificent as the display of their pride of its diverse ethnic culture and customs is the sincerity and purity of peoples’ heart that I am able to develop meaningful relationship with local people. Longchuan made me realized that despite language and color difference, we can indeed create a friendlier and harmonious global community that is more habitable place to live in.

Spectacular Cultural Event

I am always hands down with China when it comes to entertainment and lavish production event. There’s so much pride in whatever they do – it could be both a bold pronouncement of being the next superpower and a genuine effort for excellence.

Wow! Fabulous! Magnanimous! These were my expressions of great appreciation of a job well done. I was in the park a couple of nights ago and didn’t know there’s a big cultural event going on. I would say it’s a well budgeted show. Stage was awesome. Superb production numbers and choreography. Wardrobe and Props showing the different costumes of the different ethnic groups was meticulously done.

Music is the real language of the heart. I don’t understand the ethnic dialect and even the mandarin language but for no special reason I can feel the beat and I seem to enjoy it. It’s so pleasant. The show to my understanding (again being alone and without translator) depicted the history of the ethnic groups in Dehong Prefecture and in Longchuan. It talks about a life in harmony with nature, invasion of migrants and encroachment of their territories, war as they defended their lands, migration, their day-to-day life as a community, friendship & courtship and triumph & thanksgiving. It was a very rich-learning experience despite language difficulty.

The only thing that pissed me off was the screeching sound of a man standing next beside me spitting horrendously (Puh…lease) move away!

But hey wait – that was just a final dress rehearsal? What? (LOL)

Gong Xi Fa Cai!

This post is a bit late but nah..not really as Chinese are still celebrating the spring festival so this post is still on.


Gong Xi Fa Cai (Mandarin) or Kung Hei Fa Choi (Cantonese) everyone. I hope the Year of the Ox will bring this humanity to a higher level of fellowship, stewardship and diplomacy for harmony and peaceful co-existence.

The eve of the Chinese New Year was cold, gray, gloomy and drizzling. But this did not deter people to prepare for the Chinese New Year. It is the most awaited and significant celebration in China – ‘the spring festival’. I was up early and went to my favorite noodle place. Surprisingly, it’s ‘business-as-usual’ for banks as they were open till the wee hours.

This weeklong holiday is a big respite from the piles of paper works to finish and deadlines to beat. I earlier planned to spend my holiday with other volunteers in Kunming (capital city of Yunnan Province) but call it off at the last minute. However, the festive mood was contagious, forced my brain to work but refuses to cooperate – damn!

The sleepy town of Longchuan was suddenly transformed into a busy festive town. I was extremely happy to see the town so alive, vibrant and populated with people from nowhere. Fireworks and firecrackers were endless and deafening but definitely overwhelming to see people ecstatic as they welcome the year of the Ox. The once deserted streets of Longchuan were now filled with bazaar, carnival and amusement games for kids and adult alike.

Dinner invites in conflict?…

I really find it funny that my being alone (that means without my translator) did not exempt me from attending to my social obligations as a human being (LOL). The only reason that I would tend to decline an invite is the 50 - 52% proof rice wine (bai jiu). There’s just no way I can go away with it as this is part of the social norm. A toast (bottoms-up) is a sign of respect, gratitude and camaraderie. It’s quite hierarchical though. The big leader or Boss usually goes first giving his/her wishes and good words to everyone. Everyone follows to whomever they want to make a toast. More often than not, I am drunk every after gathering simple or grand.

So the invites kept coming on the eve. The first invite came from my ‘landlady’ and mind you the invite has to go to a friend in another province through a text message and then it went to my former translator to another province and then my translator called me up. Whew! I was just touched by their gesture as they went through those hassles just to invite me for dinner. Imagine for the very first time, the invites were in conflict (LOL). All is well that ends well. I attended first the invite of my boss and then spent the whole evening until New Year with my neighbor and his family living just 1 level down to where I live. The next day I spent with the family of my ‘landlady’ for breakfast and dinner. I really find the Chinese people so warm and hospitable. Quite contrary to the impressions I had with the Chinese back home (please don’t take that against me). I have been here for almost 2 years but their warmth has never died down.

The essence of Chinese new year – to my eyes…

This is my second year in China and I did not realize till now that there is so much essence in celebrating the Chinese New Year much as Filipinos have for Christmas. It’s about family bonding and unity that I learned. I saw this in the family of my boss. Love and unity was radiating as we shared the meals. I was the only visitor. The husband of my boss and even the wife of her brother were not around as they were also on their individual families. So it was just pure family dinner with my boss’ 5-year old niece whose antics never ceases to amaze me whenever I see her.

Before dinnertime, the family offered the ‘Buddha’ at the altar with fruits, wine, cigarette, desserts and food. The ritual followed. The head of the family (the father) offered the paper money and burned it in front of the altar. Incense was burned right after which the mother (light of the family) lit and then each member of the family offered prayers to Buddha. Judas belt (firecracker) provided the rapid fire sound (thanks rein for the term hahaha) supposedly to drive away evil spirits lurking around. What really struck me that evening was when the 5-year old kid stood up and made a toast first to the grandfather with a red wine. It struck me because at her age she already can drink red wine. She went on and I thought she think and talk like an adult as she told her grandmother and I quote “Xiexie ni Năinai…Ni Xin Ku le”! (thank you grandma…you are working so hard) and that line brought the house down.

No one was translating for me that time but my visual understanding of things as they unfold before my very eyes says that their spirituality is so alive. They do have their God – it might not just be the same God that Catholics or other dinominations pray with but they do have God. I believe that what is most important is that we are in tune with and in harmony with our own spirituality rather than measuring it how many times one has been to the church, etc. Indeed, living overseas helps one understand better the culture of the country. I thought this is rightly where global education is needed so that we developed global citizens who are respectful and tolerant of each others’ culture.

Jade

Thanks Arliang for this wonderful send-off gift!

I was so surprised to receive a slab of Jade courtesy of a good friend named Arliang. He co-managed my favorite Burmese bar in Longchuan. This is the only resto-bar that gives you a city ambience in a sleepy town. It's a cool place which offers different Burmese and chinese delicacies. Anyways, I am not a “lover” of Jade. But Jade is so popular in China. It has cultural meaning which dates back to the Qin and Han dynasty. The Jade (yù)stone has been revered in china since Neolithic times. It was believed that jade was empowered with magical and life-giving properties. But when I went to the famous Jade market in Ruili City, I was drawn by it's captivating brilliance and carvings. It's awesome. During the Beijing Olympics Jade was used in combination with gold, silver and bronze in the production of Olympic medals.

So thanks Arliang for the friendship and your warm hospitality. Ate a vista o meu amigo!

Songs that my heart is humming at the moment

For quite sometime now, I have been asking myself what are those songs that would be able to describe the current affairs of my heart (sigh). It's quite difficult to find songs when you are down there trying to get out from drowning. But music is my company through thick and thin - they mirror transparently what I feel inside and out. I realized I put myself in such a damn task of finding these songs just to put it in my blog? Yes, I decided to put it in my blog for one reason - the easiest way to post. I really would want to write and my mind is overflowing with "bloggable" topics but it refuses to cooperate. And so to cope up from my hiatus, I decided to post the lyrics of the songs that my heart can identify with(Naks). If you would like to listen to its melodies, just play the songs located on the left pane of this page. You can't miss it - it's bloody red.

Afraid for Love to Fade
The Company

My head's in a jam
Can't take you off my mind
From the time we met
I've been beset by thoughts of you
And the more that I ignore this feeling
The more I find myself believing
That I just have to see you again

I can't let you pass me by
I just can't let you go
But I know that I am much too shy
To let you know
Afraid that I might say the wrong words
And displease you
Afraid for love to fade
Before it can come true

Like a child again
I'm at a loss for words
How does one define
A crush combined with longing?
Longing to possess you oh so dearly
I'm obsessed by you completely
I'll go mad if I can't have you

I can't let you pass me by
I just can't let you go
But I know that I am much too shy
To let you know
Afraid that I might say the wrong words
And displease you
Afraid for love to fade
Before it can come true

I can't let you pass me by
I just can't let you go
Let me say the things and say the words
To let you know
I would rather say the awkward words
Than lose you
Or for love to fade
Before it can come true

Just Once
James Ingram

I did my best, but I guess my best wasn't good enough
'cause here we are back where we were before
seems nothing ever changes
we're back to being strangers
wondering if we ought to stay or head on out the door

Just once
can't we figure out what we keep doing wrong
why we never last for very long
what are we doing wrong.
just once
can't we find a way to finally make it right
to make the magic last for more than just one night
if we could just get to it
I know we could break through it.
Ohh ohhh

I gave my heart
but I think my heart may have been too much
'cause lord knows we're not getting anywhere
seems we're always blowing
whatever we've got going
and it seems at times with all we've got
we haven't got a prayer....

Just once
can't we figure out what we keep doing wrong
why the good times never last for long
where are we going wrong
just once...
can't we find a way to finally make it right
to make the magic last for more than just one night
I know we could break through it
if we could just get to it

(Bridge)
Just once, I want to understand.....
why it always comes back to goodbye;
why can't we get ourselves in hand
and admit to one another
we're no good without each other
take the best and make it better
find a way to stay together

Just once…
can't we find a way to finally make it right...Ohhhh
to make the magic last for more than just one night
I know we could break through it
if we could just get to it

Just Once...
Ohhhh, we can get to it
Just Once...
Even If
Jam Morales

All those sleepless nights
All the tears I cried
All the pain I kept inside
I kept asking myself why
You had to say goodbye

Was it just a dream
When you said to me
That there is someone new in your life
You could have at least lied
The truth just scared me

Chorus:
Even if...
You mean the whole damn world to me
I can forget you, wait and see
I can be strong even without you
I can't waste my life forever
Hoping you'd come back to me
But deep inside I know
I'll be waiting here for you

(instrumental)

Even if...
You mean the whole damn world to me
I can forget you, wait and see
I can be strong even without you
I can't waste my life forever
Hoping you'd come back to me
But deep inside I know
I'll be waiting here for you

A truly inspiring message from George Carlin

I am not very familiar with the works of George Carlin (shame on me!) but I came across with this forward email which I thought inspiring, full of sense especially in this crazy time, worth pondering upon and sharing with to others who are blinded by the realities of development. Read it for yourself and let me know your opinion.

George CARLIN (He has recently died...)


Isn't it amazing that George Carlin - comedian of the 70's and 80's - could write something so very eloquent...and so very appropriate.

A Message by George Carlin:

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways , but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgement, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbour. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, 'I love you' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

If you don't send this to other people....Who cares?

George Carlin

All About Sex

Christians bring the discussions of sex to a new level

I think there's a lot of sense in this challenge to couples to keep the marriage "hot and spicy" (LOL). Watch this video and let me know your thoughts.



I just thought this video is hilarious I almost pass out (LOL)

Random thoughts of a day in limbo

I don't know I just kinda felt like my day was filled with different emotions. I was too excited with the news that I already have a flight schedule going home. I miss home. I just wanna be home and take some refuge. Then I chatted with my former National Volunteer/Translator and we kind of reminisce the time we worked together. I was just so touched by her words that she longed to work with me again. That she valued so much my advise in regards to her professional career. I think these are the things that reaffirm my being who I am. I know who I am but it's different when you hear appreciations from people you've worked with. It's just so refreshing. Xiexie. I was about to take my short walk in the park to eliminate some toxins but I got a call from my NV that some local partners are coming to the office to fill up some forms that the funding org sent which needs to be submitted tomorrow by 12 noon. What? Yes, it's 8 in the evening and they're coming. Surprise, surprise I told you.

Then I saw this video from youtube posted by Nax Joan on our website and I strongly feel we all have to do our share in fighting climate change. So I encourage everyone if you care, do your share!

Let's take a stand to combat climate change. Watch the video below.



For more info about the campaign, please visit http://www.earthhour.org

For easy-to-read materials about Climate Change, visit this site:
http://www.ace.mmu.ac.uk/eae/climate_change/climate_change.html

I Love You, Goodbye!

Nope, It’s not what you’re thinking (LOL)! Stop it! It’s like this.

Barely 7 weeks left and I am about to wrap up another placement with VSO. I can’t imagine time flies so fast. I didn’t notice I am already 2 years in China. Forward is always forward. I have to move on and flip another page. But the sad thing all the time about leaving is “saying goodbye” to the people who have been a significant part of your personal and professional life here in China. This is the stage in the volunteering journey I hate so much because it involved a myriad of emotions so difficult to contain.

To be saying goodbye this early is truly a surprise to me. Indeed, China never ceases to surprise me. Last Saturday, my colleague, the PLWHA Support Group and I worked overtime (call of duty) to re-polish proposal they have developed and hopefully reach on time to the funding agency. It was challenging because it was their first time to develop a proposal. It was equally challenging on my part guiding them through to the proposal guidelines to conceptualizing a project for people living with HIV and AIDS. We started at 2:30 and finished at around 8:00 p.m. I was tired. It was a long day. As they drove us home, the word “party” popped out. A women group in the village I have occasionally attended to whenever they invite me for public seminar or a lecture is holding a party and they’re inviting us, and it’s right now! Wow, (the only word I mumbled) the shortest of all short notices I have received ever. Although, short notices are common, I still feel like, wow! They were persistent, and I can sense my colleague was also excited so I relented. We arrived at around 9 pm in the house of the Village Doctor and spent few minutes chatting with the people around. Chinese hospitality has always overwhelmed me. My stomach hasn’t finished his job yet and here we are again about to overload our digestive organs. It’s just so difficult to refuse an offer. Tea was served along with rice pancake with natural honey and apple. Figuratively, It’s like a scene (always) of haggling for something ‘til you open your mouth and push the food in into your digestive system. I felt like gluttony is consuming me that evening. I was wondering what time the party would start as it was already half past 9. On our way, we stopped by this stocks of raw sugarcane piled along the road and apparently the Village Doctor owns them. He insisted of us bringing some home. Again, we relented and started to pack the car with few sticks.

The Village Doctor who is a man by the way successfully organized this group while also assisting the Support group of PLWHAs I am helping. We arrived in the village activity center where women members rehearsing an ethnic dance for the Spring Festival (Chinese New Year). There were around 23 members present. So I asked my colleague, where do you think is the party? His only reply was I also do not know. So I thought maybe I lost in translation again. The women welcomed us warmly and invited us to join them in their dance rehearsal. They were ecstatic to see my footwork in ethnic dance. It was cool, I thought. I love dancing anyway so I am not a pain in the ass (LOL).

After few minutes, we were ushered to the meeting room and offered tea. I realized that the “party” is actually a meeting of some sort. My colleague told me that this meeting was held for me. "Oh okay" were the only words I mumbled. So the “saying goodbye” has just begun. I was so surprised and touched by the gesture of the whole club. I was guilty of thinking about the short notice and everything. It was a night of sharing good memories and how they came to like me, the qualities they saw in me (SOS! Somebody must write this portion, as I don’t want to sound boastful). It was an evening of sincere praises. This is what I like working overseas, I feel like a star (LOL). I feel like I am their Brad Pitt (my friends at home please stop complaining it’s their opinion let’s respect that, okay?(LOL). But what really touched my heart that night was when they shared to me what they can not forget about me and I quote “You taught us how to use condom (LOL). Before we thought that condom is dirty and that we don’t even want to touch it. But after you demonstrated condom use in the community – we are not ashamed anymore how to teach others and talking about condom has started to become an ordinary thing as compared before. We still need to reach for more so that they can protect themselves from HIV”. Hearing these words from these women gave me sweat in a very cold evening I have to remove my coat. I really don’t have indicators to measure change in the people I have worked with. As HIV and AIDS Project Advisor, this is already something I can consider significant change. Any change in the community I am working with big or small as long as the community identified it as significant is a real achievement to me. I am satisfied and happy knowing that I carved something in the hearts and minds of these women.

Surprises, surprises, I wonder what awaits me on the day I leave Longchuan. If I can only leave Longchuan without a trace…I know it’s impossible.

I Love you all but I have to say goodbye. Till our paths crosses again!

Can we really make our own destiny?

This question has been bogging my mind after chatting with my cousin few days ago whose heart is taken by storm by opps I am not allowed to divulge. I am under contract of confidentiality (LOL).

Can we really make our destiny is a question that my mental inbox has been brimming with so many different thoughts difficult to assort and discern. It all started in the blog of my cousin titled “The Masochist in Us” read post in detail at http://enelya-thehopelessromantic.blogspot.com/2009/01/masochist-in-us.htm.In this post, she thoroughly explained why human beings are masochist. She is resolved with that. At the backdrop of this post, I can see a young woman who is going through a journey of pain in loving. A young woman bombarded with uncertainties of taking risk. A young woman who is indeed a masochist. But do you think her decision to keep her feelings towards the man she affectionately desire will bring her to her destiny?

So our exchange of thoughts segued to destiny. I am sure this one is a famous line - “Destiny is not a matter of chance but a matter of choice”, others firmly believe that “We make our own destiny”. I used to believe that destiny is defined by the choices and decisions we make everyday. But hey wait, what is destiny by the way? Is it the ultimate destination of living? Is it a process in itself as we journey through life? Is it the realization of ones dreams? Is it an oasis of life? I just realize now that we can indeed make decisions but not our destiny. My definition now of destiny is that “It is what it is”. A state in life where change is constant. Each of us has its own destiny. Whether we are in the state of living our dreams or we failed to achieve our goals - is destiny. We make decisions to reach our desired destinies but there’s no guarantee that the decisions we make can bring us to the destiny we envision. I don’t want to sound fatalistic and negative because I am not. I do believe that the most important thing is we make each day a learning platform that we can progress towards the achievement of our goals. We have to give our best shots at whatever we do to make meaning and purpose in living.

I do believe that we are not alone in this universe. We co-exist with other entities or bodies beyond our recognition and these entities can have a yin-yang influence on the decisions and choices we make everyday. There are many events in our lives that are beyond our control, beyond our grasp. I thought this is the very essence of what we call “the Wheel of Life” as they say “Bilog ang Mundo” (the world is round). Whatever we do in our lives, destiny will find and bring us to where we rightly belong. Our positive disposition, outlook and how we carry our selves however greatly influence the wheel of life. When we feel good about ourselves – there seem to be a confluence of the different cosmic energies that bring rewards and positive outcome.

Twist of fate is part of destiny that I am talking about. Let us use the subject of love to illustrate this point. People fall in love, out of love and they make decisions. Breaking up is hard to do the same thing as my cousin was pointing out that it is difficult to open up a feeling towards someone she’s resolved of the possible outcome. In this kind of scenario, do you think her decision will make up her destiny? Maybe not. Khalil Gibran – famous author and Nobel Peace Prize winner says in his book “Love will find you and dare not direct the course of love for if love finds you worthy will direct it’s course”. So no matter what kind of decision we make there is really no telling what happens at the end of the day. There are many flicks about love that we enjoyed watching in our fave theaters showing the mystery of love and mind you we also find this unfolding before our very eyes in the lives of the ordinary people around us. Read: Love is blind. Another cliché is “If your sweetie gives up the relationship, free him or her – if he/she comes back then is yours to keep”. Power of Karma is true: “what goes around comes around, what goes up must come down”.
We are all passers by in this universe and I think we should continue to dream and strive to find meaning in life and in the end believe in our hearts that one day destiny will find us.

Talent Extraordinaire

This video is to help my friend Rizza who is working on disabilities raise awareness regarding "DIFFERENTLY ABLED" and their untapped capabilities. I hope through this video (courtesy of youtube) we could help fight injustice and equality towards them. Sit back and relax this video will hit the deepest recesses of your being and will give you goosebumps.

Promoting condom-use in your community with humor

This video (Condom Song - Telugu) is courtesy of Budcare (Youtube). I thought this is cool, highly informative and entertaining. Anyone knows where Telugu is? Enjoy.

Fave music that inspires me - all the time

This video is a tribute to all Volunteers and OFWs around the globe who gave their life selflessly for the Country - Kudos everyone!


To all those who are dreaming - let's believe in our hearts that we can go the distance!



Who can forget Charice Pempengco who blew the world away with her stunning performances and made Filipinos so proud. Her story tells us that no matter how many times you stumble, do not lose grip of your dreams for in HIS time your star will shine.


For those who are suffering, in trouble, in love and out of love - remember all the time that the great one heals all wounds. Just believe in him.

Wrapping up New Year's Day

Over all it was a very peaceful new year. I was relaxed and calm. Good sign. One of the Chinese beliefs is that you have to wash your feet before 12 midnight or better yet take a bath. My God, It was too cold - I chose to wash my feet. While waiting for new year, I had fun voice chatting with my friends in the Philippines and Sri lanka. It was really cool. Slept at 3:00 am.

Jiayou! Jiayou! Jiayou! (pronounced as Chayo, Chayo, Chayo - quite an unintelligible language - the pinyin is the sound of the chinese characters and I really find no connection or whatsoever between the spelling and its pronounciation. Anyway, Jiayou means come on when they cheer up anyone.

Those were the sound that woke me up at around 8:30 in the morning. Half awake I peeped on my window pane and saw people young and old congregate in the middle of the road just in front of the Government building. Nope it was not a street demonstartion or protest (no way it's not possible here). I tried to scan the street and saw police men, firemen and some military blocking the road. With the word Jiayou, I realized there must be some kind of a competition going on. Students cheered Jiayou! Jiayou!, Jiayou! energetically to participants of the game. It was a mini-olympics hosted by the local government. Somehow it raised the festive mood of the people including me. I wasn't able to get back to sleep so I decided to take my favorite breakfast Mi xin and Yo tiao (see attached photo). Mi xian is a fresh, hot and spicy noodles. You put lemon in it to add flavor and then a pinch of salt, MSG, pepper and a little of oil, sesame seeds, spring onions, ginger and a lot more depending on your taste. Mi xin is actually similar to our famous "Bulalo" in the Philippines and Yo tiao is similar to "pilipit" in Davao minus the sugar. It's made up of flour and is cooked by deep frying.

I occupied myself window shopping together with a friend and culminated our new year in a sumptous dinner.

Tha's how I spent my new day away from home. I hope this year would bring us closer to living our dreams. Keep on dreaming everyone.