Hello Everyone!

Wow, It's been such a long time! I completely forgot about my blog - apologies to you my dear readers and of course to my Blog!

There are many changes in my blog right now. If you notice, I changed the lay-out which is themed to be "travel" plus the color combinations - I just love it. This captured my emotions, thoughts and hopes and fears right at this point of my life and career.

I promise you all, I will be catching this blog with new articles - all about random thoughts, anything under the heat of the sun. So expect more exciting articles in the days to come.

So long everyone. All the best.

Poetry in me

I miss my blog. I miss blogging. I miss all of you who visits my blog often. I have been quite lazy these times. Read: "without you, the poetry in me is dead-anonymous". Oh no, not really, it's not you, it's just that blogging is difficult in here - it's currently blocked. Don't asked anymore how did I access my site - it's a top secret! harharhar...

Anyway, will do my best to blog soon.

Keep safe everyone.

Unrequited Love

This article has been a long overdue post. Rizza here it is. I know, I know you've been waiting for this. I felt this is also timely as I am over it already hehehehehe...Thanks for poking me on this one. Thanks Nai for editing it.
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A stranger to my eyes

Mysterious…. the very moment I set my eyes on you, I knew with certainty that you’re the person I can never forget for the entirety of my mortal existence... So intense is my feelings that my heart can barely contain. You were like a stranger who passed me by, taking no notice of my presence... And yet, the mere sight of you takes my breath away… an indescribable vision that I don’t want to miss even for just a single second…. I vividly remember the first time you refused my offer of help, but I did not get offended, instead, something inside of me leapt for joy despite the circumstance… we often meet, but you remain an enigma to me.. Mysterious…indeed…

Could it be destiny?

Fate…is it really possible to find somebody whom you can love in their totality? A love that would include even their flaws and imperfections? Now I know it can be possible, because I love everything I see in you…if there’s anyone who, short of drives me crazy, then, definitely it is you… I am truly convinced that you are the very one I’ve been looking for all these years… from the first time we knew each other’s name, it’s as if somebody softly whispered in my ears that it was destiny who brought us together… without your knowledge, everyday spent with you is my heaven on earth… I just can’t afford to ignore the idea of exploring this feelings I have for you…an engulfing desire is burning inside of me, longing to know you more…to get even closer to you…intimately closer…. But how could that be? When you are like somebody who is so near, yet so far? Well then, I will have to yield to what I believe is much stronger than me…the course of Fate…

Could this be love?

Desire…yes…that’s who you are to me… when the glaring truth of you being in the loving care of someone else stares sharply in my eyes, it bleeds my heart…yet, I took the courage to indulge myself with the opportunities of sharing borrowed moments with you... We started to build our world with its own unique ways and times…Whenever your warm body inches into mine, I can’t help myself wanting to kiss and hug you so tight… to melt in your arms…to be intoxicated of your scent…my world turns into a standstill at the mere thought of you…Your presence made me feel naked and stripped of pretensions. I become the real me…I find pleasure in seeing you smile…in hearing your voice…in watching your lips utter a word….it seems that time becomes so fleeting when we are together…I long to have more of you, but you just see me as a friend …thus, the friendship grew in a manner that I never even imagined. I admire the qualities of your heart…genuinely immaculate…your soul is pure and unadulterated by the pollution of the mind…I don’t want to exploit or ruin the foundations that we built..
But we played games, I don’t know why? It puzzles me when every time you get tired, you simply fade away, change your mood or say goodbye…it confuses me when you show affection by being thoughtful and caring…I don’t want to make
presumptions, but they say actions speak louder than words. Is it safe for me to believe that you are falling for me as well? …. yet, how can I flee from the piercing pain when I see you with your beloved? Maybe, I should muster the strength to shield the sweet memories that we enjoyed as one…it is not unusual for me to repeat these words over and over again: come darkness…come quick! Let it be night at once so that I become a hedonistic prisoner in your arms again…a sanctuary of utmost paradise…to feel the unspoken love unfolding bit by bit... If only our hearts could bravely reveal what‘s inside of it, then perhaps, things become less complicated. But up to now, you remained cautious to disclose how you feel for me… so you remain to be my greatest… Desire…

So Overwhelmed! I have just resurrected

Oh My God! I am so happy today...extremely happy should be the right word...I am all smiles today. why, because for months I was not able to visit my blogsite and I've just discovered with the help of my dear friend a proxy server to open it. Wow, amazing, doing cyber things in China with anonymity - I hope hehehehe...

I just wanna say thank you to all of you who have visited my blogsite. In the few days to come (I hope my access won't be blocked) I am gonna write more...and definitely visit your blogsites as well...

Thanks. Xiexie ni. Muito Obrgrigado. Maraming Salamat. Daghang Salamat (my local Diaclect back home)

Joel

Signing Off

Am signing off for now. I'm going to a nearby province for a 2-day conference and off for home for a month vacation. I will keep you posted guys. Have a good day everyone.

Saying Goodbye – The last Full show

My last days in Longchuan has been agonizingly sweet. For no apparent reason, I was lackadaisical. Looking at my typhoon-hit room, I realized, I accumulated so much in the 2 years that I stayed here. But they are not all rubbish. I decided to dispose and hand down the things that the Support Group and Orphans can salvage and put to use. I am excited of going home – I really am. I do. But something is heavy – nope not my luggage. I thought it’s the humbling experiences that have enriched me as a person.

It took me a week to pack my things and the experiences I gained in two years time. I felt heavy but light at the same time because I know I made an imprint in the hearts and minds of the people I have worked with, made friends and socialized with.

The final week was emotionally draining as I tried to hide the sadness in my heart. The send-off dinner, the photo ops, the send off gifts and the wishes of wellness and luck has been overwhelming. But I was really struck last night as the Village Doctor I am working with closely called us up and said they are coming and it’s already 10 in the evening. His wife, son and one of the officers of women group with her daughter in tow came and brought us freshly boiled eggs and a fruit endemic in Longchuan named Xian Yan (see photo attached). I was touched. I do. I was misty-eyed receiving all the things that I thought one would only do to a close family member. In fact, they have given me a lot including a Jingpo Zu ethnic costume (see picture below. I really didn’t know how to thank them. As they’ve given me several send off dinner. It’s overwhelming to be honest I can’t contain here in my heart. These are the moments in volunteering that are priceless. You would know in your heart that you’ve touched lives.

I realized, I don’t need a damn indicators and a lengthy questionnaire to measure my impact here in Longchuan. I know and I truly believe I made a difference especially in the hearts of the people at the grassroots level.

I can now leave Longchuan with smile in my heart – forever.

Parting Words

I am not good at saying goodbye to people. It eats me up all the time. Today, is my exit meeting with the partners here in Longchuan. I am happy that the support groups were able to come. I am grateful for the nice words and appreciation of my contribution. I know that at times like this, I can be emotional and so it was so wise for me to prepare my speech. It was nice as well that the support group would want a copy of it (souvenir baga - LOL). Take a look at it.

Tadjia Hao!

With your indulgence, allow me to read my prepared speech because at times like this (saying goodbye) I can become emotional and when I am emotional most of the time I lose my points.

Exit meeting like this is the event I would want to skip If only I can. If only I can leave Longchuan without a trace then I would really do it. BUT I CAN’T. I JUST CAN’T. I can not just leave all of you without saying GOODBYE because you have been a significant part of my wonderful 2-years stay in Longchuan. You made me feel like I am not a “laowai”. The warmth of your reception made me feel safe and secure. You made Longchuan my home away from home.

Looking back 2 years ago - Will I survive in China? Was the biggest question in my mind. And now I can proudly say, yes I survived China, I survived Longchuan. My journey as a volunteer might have been tumultuous but I felt triumphant of my decision to render my voluntary service in Longchuan. This placement has been very challenging in many different ways from language to working styles to organizational culture to local food, to weather and lifestyle. But these challenges did not deter me to work alongside people and try making a difference. I do not really know If indeed I made a difference here but I am already happy to know that I won many friends in Longchuan. Friends who are etched in my heart forever. To describe my journey is like riding a roller coaster with its up-and-downs but the beauty of this ride is that I was able to witness the unfolding of each event that led me to appreciate the beauty of life’s imperfections. The ride afforded me the thrill of a lifetime no one can give me.

My placement afforded me a very rich-learning and humbling experience. To have been able to work closely with People Living with HIV has been the most rewarding experience I would cherish forever. They are real people. Their stories are real. I deeply felt the big dent they have made in my life than I making an impact in theirs. I do believe that a volunteer placement is not only bounded with what is written in placement documentations. But the real challenge is how to bring the lives behind this placement documentation into full play in order to make a significant difference on the lives of those who are poor and disadvantaged.

I am so proud of Longchuan. Why? Because you showed to me that “unity in diversity” exist among various ethnic groups. The magnificent display of your pride of your diverse ethnic culture and customs bring an overwhelming lesson to me that I can take home. Longchuan made me realized that despite difference in language, race, color or belief, we can indeed create a friendlier and harmonious global community that is more habitable place to live in.

All of this experience would have been impossible without you. First and foremost, allow me to express my deepest gratitude to Yang Xinmei for the leadership and the friendship. Yu Qiang – my counterpart who has been there every step of the way. Thank you very much.

I am indebted to People’s Hospital – Dr. Li Jiping, Dr. Yang Haiqin, Dr. Fu, Dr. Xu Yu Wun and the men and women working in the hospital for the friendship, the work and assistance whenever I needed them – words are not enough to say thank you very much.

I would also like to say thank you to the men and women of AIDS prevention and coordination office headed by Ms. Mei Hongying for the countless support you have given to all volunteers who have been here.

Ms. Yang Dafen of Foreign Support Office, Dr. Hou Zengsen of Women and Children’s Hospital, Ms Jiang Yong Yun of the Bureau of Education, Dr. Dao Qingfen and Dr. Zhang of CDC – thank you so so much for the wonderful work experience with you.

The active and energetic Village Doctors Dr. Yin Zu Luan, Dr. Yin Xing Wei, officers of I Care Support Group headed by He le ka and United for a Common Cause Support Group headed by Yue Maji – I don’t know how to express my sincerest gratitude to all of you but let me say it in my language – MARAMING MARAMING SALAMAT PO!

Last but definitely not the least – VSO for providing me this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. To Li Anyuan (Kevin) and all my former National Volunteers – thank you very much for without you – there’s nothing that I can do. It is because of your work that made everything possible.

There are so many people to thank here today and my list is endless. I may not have mentioned you here but rest assured you are here in my heart.

I hope everyone can be an agent for change. Change to improve the loves od those who are poor and disadvantaged.

Xiexie Tadjia.